ok so i really just feel like freaking out and like being semi-intelligent

this could get ugly. haha!

ok so about this hurrican stuff. for now im going to leave the gas prices and all that. this is just about......w/e i want it to be about. but not gas prices yet. lol

SO today i was at rickys and i was watching the news, and ive BEEN watching the news but this REALLY got to me. it showed the ppl that were outside of the convention center and, had i not have been watching and KNOWN where it was i would have thought it was in a third world country or something

there were ppl DYING right there, with a camera in their face DYING bc of this. bc they couldnt get help. its about to start raining again and thses ppl have no shelter. there was no one out there helping them. no police, no red cross, NO ONE. it was them and them only. it was almost like they were isolated from the rest of the country or something. they were trying to break into buildings to go inside bc of the rain. there were women with babies crying, sreaming BEGGING for someone to help them!

this was in america

these were americans

our ppl. us.

those were our friends, our family, our neighbors. that was us, in the streets, trying to help out a complete stranger right next to us bc she doesnt have her heart medicine and no doctor will see her. that was you, that was me.

these ppl are literally left with NOTHING! they have the clothes on their backs and that is absolutely it. and yes, the ppl who are staying with family right now and having nothing, they are sad too, and i weep for them as much as i weep for these ppl. but atleast they have a roof oever their head. the ppl i saw on tv today didnt even have that. and i feel like there is pretty much nothing i can do. I cant even begin to count how many times ive already cried for those ppl, and prayed, and i will continue, but i really wish i could do more. i have no money to give, ill bring food to school and stuff but it wont go to those ppl. they know thats where they will die. and woman said it.

a cop drove by on the tv and just honked the horn for ppl to get out of the way. what kinda of a country have we become? where we rush to help ppl from the tsunami but we honk and cuss at our own wen we drive through??

how desperate must these ppl feel right now? one day they were just like us. going to the grocery store, talking on the phone, the next we are fighting for our lives and sleeping in the streets by ourselves bc our family died.

i cant put enough emphasis on the fact that these are americans!!! they havent always lived like this, in poverty. i guarantee some of them had money, i mean like a good bit of it. and now theres nothing, and they are left to fin for themselves while our goverment says that we should STOP the search and rescue bc of ppl stealing and all that.

STOP the search and rescue

whether we see it here or not, everything is chaos. we have our own ppl dying in the streets, one of our magor ports is shut down for a very very very long time if not forever, gas prices are unbelievably high causing ppl to practically go into fits, hold ppl at gun point, and steal from their neighbors, and yet we can sit back and pretend like nothing is going on

live our lives normally. ive really grown up today. i saw something that i will NEVER forget, and i pray to god that those people get the help they deserve. even tho im almost sure that they wont.

god bless america. we need it right now.

this is for those poor people. pray for them.

Guess there are times when we all need to share a little pain
And ironing out the rough spots
Is the hardest part when memories remain
And it's times like these when we all need to hear the radio
`Cause from the lips of some old singer
We can share the troubles we already know

Turn them on, turn them on
Turn on those sad songs
When all hope is gone
Why don't you tune in and turn them on

They reach into your room
Just feel their gentle touch
When all hope is gone
Sad songs say so much

If someone else is suffering enough to write it down
When every single word makes sense
Then it's easier to have those songs around
The kick inside is in the line that finally gets to you
and it feels so good to hurt so bad
And suffer just enough to sing the blues

Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say
Sad songs, they say so much

-elton john "sad songs"

new puzzle.....i really miss that

new song too. its been on here b4. but i love it SO much. def. my fave dashboard song......and that says something

mmm... i saw my ricky dear today and that made me feel a lot better about a lot of things. i kinda broke down yesterday and it was crazy. lol

today was piiiiiicshoooore day. ecxiting in its own. thats about all i get for excitement now-a-days. lol

so yea after me and ricky had our togetherness of the year (haha thats SARCASM) i went and picked miss stephany up from cheeeerleading practice. it was awkward bc ppl were looking at me like "what the hell are you doing here? your not a cheerleader anymore!"....jerks

lol

but then they all smiled and waved so it was ok. lol

heather harris asked me if me and steph were sisters.....HA! we had an interesting convo about THAT

lol

like the fact that she has dark hair and i have light hair, she has brwon eyes and i have light green and im like 5 feet taller than her! haha jp steph!

but yea. we're sisters. lol

so then we went to arbys. that was fun. ron really confused us at the drive through tho, and i didnt know it was him so i was just trying to be all polite and stuff. lol. fun fun.

then i took her home. that girl lives in the middle of nowhere! lol. but i got home in time. 5 minutes early ACTUALLY lol

but yea steph. we'll have to do that again sometime.

and im takin her hooome fri.

im so excited about half a day. lol. and no school mon. right??

o praise god. i need a break. bad

but ive felt like crap all day and i REALLY dont feel like doing anything right now. so im gunna listen to music and die. or maybe just go to sleep or call someone. lol

heres something to think about.

~ "The word 'Meaningful' when used today is nearly always meaningless" -Paul Johnson

i talked to ricky and i feel 938385626118857563728194536527385967362527485964837226x better

and maybe more.

i mean im still upset, very, but he was just like "listen, stop stressing over the future. worry about today because today is all you have, and theres no opint in ruining the only time you have over something that might not exist. one day at a time"

he just knows me well enough to know exactly what it is i need to hear and wen i need to hear it. ::sigh:: love is crazy. especially wen one day its love the next day its shit. lol. and its all in my mind.......i think i need meds. but i dont want em bc then id feel like some kind o freak. i have enough already.

geez 2 pills a day and i feel like a freak. w/e

yano one thing that makes me happy tho is, most ppl, wen im tellin em how i feel so stressed or HOWEVER i feel, they are always like "its just bc your bipolar, youll feel better later" and it freakin drives me NUTS bc i mean, not all of my probs are bc of that yano? i have reg problems too! dang

but ricky has NEVER even b4 he knew how much that kills me, said that. and he never would. and that makes me REALLY happy

lol

but yea thought id share that with you bc im bored. lol

michelle

again

. i just absolutely DO not know. but right now i want to foget everything ive said to everyone about things that are going on in my life bc i need to escape, and get back to ME and what i think I should do. yano?

but yea. so if ive said anything to you forget it. bc all ive been thinking is "i would do that, but i told so-and-so id to this" SCREW THAT!

lol

anyways.

i went over to kallis last night for about an hour. that was fun. might go over there ina lil while bc now that daddy has his new hours im at home by myself all day and i get lonely. lol. i know it sounds gay but its true. i need to call andrea 1st and i have to wait on her to get home from prac. and i think josh (not bayerl) is supposed to call me later too.......hmm

lol

so i went and got my act and sat packets today. its retarded that you have to pay like 50 bux to take a FOUR HOUR test. ugh

youd think that should like guarantee a good score or something. lol. i dont even understand freakin sat scores. most ppl like from camp have already taken their sats. but we cant take em here till 11th grade.

crap

anyways. i have a lotta hw, and i dont need to fail bc then my sats wont matter anymore, i wont be able to get into college bc im retarded. lol

thanks for tose comments btw guys

yall are awesome and i love you soooo much!

O! and for everyone who missed out. ive changed my mind AGAIN about moving schools. ech

michelle

ech

ok here we go

this lil xanga thingy, i started it so that i could clear my head and crap

so thats what im about to do

ppl can get over it if it offends them. its mean but w/e

about ricky:
i dont know how to feel right now bc i havent talked to him like a long time. and i know that any loving relationship can last or w/e but i dont even know if thats what we have! i talked to a good friend of mine about it over the summer and he gave me some good advice that i didint follow, so i dont know what to do. I know that he is like nvr going to forgive me for what i did (no its NOT the rumor that was going around at school.....we'll get to that later) and i cant take him like always bein on me about that. it was like a year ago. jesus, if you cant forget TRY to forgive! yano? but i see where he is coming from all of it too bc honestly i feel the same way about it yano? but i just dont know what to do bc i feel like we are so seperated, and in so many ways i feel like im missing out. ive had like 10 guys ask me out already this school year. thats like a record for me. lol. and im saying now obviously bc im with ricky but im not really even with ricky. wen we ARE together we are fighting but we usually arent even together. but there are good things about it too bc i have fun with him....sometimes.....and he listens well....every now and then. its mainly just the fact that i have been with him for a year and a half now and i would feel like a peice of shit if i ended it. but i used to think "he really loves me i cant throw that away, he really cares" but i dont think he does anymore. i think he loves me but i dunno about the cares thing. hes told me b4 that hes tired of being hurt and from now on hes just not gunna care. but how can you love someone and not care??? its not possible is it?

friends:
ive gotten to know a lot of really awesome ppl here lately, but no one that i really feel like i could call if i needed someone to talk to. in fact thats ALL ive needed lately. i just needed someone to let me talk and talk and talk about everything thats wrong with me and them actualy act like they give half a shit. but no one does. and i feel like the ppl that i have been best friends with have completely deserted me and the only time they wanna talk is wen it benefits them in some way or the other. or i have other friends that i cant talk to anytime but not about anything important. yano? and even if i had friends that i could talk to anytime about anything i still think it would hurt, yano? bc these are ppl that ive told all my secrets to, cried with and laughted with and basically put all my faith and trust into for the past FIVE years, and now its awkward to pass them in the hall.....all in the blink of an eye.

schools:
i dunno even know. lets not get into that

yea i guess thats about it

and i think the number of ppl who will read this whole thing is about 2

bc thats about how many ppl even care

but i dont care w/e.....it makes me feel a lil better

michelle